


Undeserving Love

by lronspiderr



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst and Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt Tony Stark, Parent Tony Stark, Protective Steve Rogers, Protective Tony Stark, Redemption, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony-centric, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 11:55:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20081794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lronspiderr/pseuds/lronspiderr
Summary: "It hadn't been done to protect him, and it certainly hadn't been out of love. What Steve did was careless, cold, and downright heartless."Tony's over-protectiveness for Peter coupled with his past grievances with Steve make for an awful situation. Yet, everyone is ready to forgive him, even though he might not deserve it.





	1. Chapter 1

Steve had really done it this time.

Tony had learned that he had been in the wrong to lash out at Steve in the past, because even if it hadn't been the right way to do it, Steve had been trying to protect him about his parents' deaths. It had been out of love, no matter how misguided.

This time, however, was severely different in Tony's eyes. It hadn't been done to protect him, and it certainly hadn't been out of love. What Steve did was careless, cold, and downright heartless.

Tony was seething, his body physically shaking. "Tell me you regret it."

Steve furrowed his eyebrows and stared down at him like he didn't understand what he meant, like he didn't understand why Tony was so furious. "I had to do it."

Tony felt his patience utterly shatter one more time.

It was a wrong thing to do, to attack someone when they were defenseless, and despite his super strength Steve really had been. He didn't have his suit or his shield. There were no accessible weapons.

Tony charged his repulsors anyway and fired.

\- - -

He bit his lip in worry as he watched Peter put on his mask and double check his web shooters. Steve was waiting for the kid outside, already set to hop in the helicopter and go. Peter had stayed back a few minutes to say one more goodbye.

"Well Mr. Stark, try not to miss me too much," Peter joked. It was the first mission that required Peter to be away for days on end. Tony didn't like that, and he didn't like that Peter's first lengthy mission was with Steve, and not him.

Tony had tried to go himself but Rhodes needed his help with a malfunction in the tech he had created to aid Rhodes in walking. That, and someone had to look over the compound. Everyone was out on missions now except him and Rhodes, and if he hadn't had enough anxiety with Peter then that was the extra boost.

After receiving silence, Peter shifted anxiously from foot to foot. "Uh, I gotta go, then. Bye-"

Tony grabbed him by the arm and pulled him in for a hug. "You be safe out there. Call me if anything gets weird or dangerous. You hear me?"

Peter sighed, but it wasn't mean-spirited. "I will, Sir." He pulled away, "Bye, Mr. Stark." He waved and ran towards the doors, knowing Steve had been waiting for him for too long. "I'll bring back a souvenir!" He called.

Tony watched helplessly as the helicopter took off and Peter disappeared. He tried to push his anxiety down, and turning his attention to his friend Rhodey helped, but that night he was restless and even some scotch didn't help to reduce his stress. He should've told Peter to call him every night. He should've snuck a tracker in Peter's suit again.

He hadn't, though.

The kid had kept his word and called him one afternoon, three days later. Tony had been in the kitchen and spilled a smoothie on the floor as he scrambled for his phone. He had grimaced at his wet socks from stepping in it, but it was quickly forgotten.

"Sir? Uh, it's Peter." The kid was whispering. Why was he whispering? "So, we're at the place and Cap'n wants to try this strategy out, but I don't- I don't know how I feel about it-" There was some noise in the background and then Steve calling for Peter. "I- I gotta go!" Just like that, he hung up.

Tony stood there in his smoothie-soaked socks and tried to decipher everything that had been in the call. Peter's whispering, his nervous stuttering, the metallic noise in the background, Steve's stern voice.

They were at the place? What place? Tony hadn't known much about the mission except that they were supposed to rescue a hostage from a few stragglers of Hydra. Steve had assured him Peter wouldn't go anywhere near the actual fight. He had promised him, actually.

He had waited an agonizing eight hours before another call. This time, it was on his flip phone, a call from Steve.

"Tony-"

"Is the kid okay?"

There was hesitance and Tony didn't like it. "Well, we rescued the hostage. Queens did a great job," Steve tried. "He really did, Tony. But unfortunately as I got the hostage to the helicopter, they got him, and then they had gotten backup and-"

"Send me the coordinates of their hideout," he ordered in feigned calmness. His palms were sweaty from what Steve was hinting at, and his breath became unsteady. He needed to sit down, or to get some fresh air.

"Okay, I will. He's sending them now."

"He?" Tony echoed.

Hesitance again. "Yes, the hostage."

Hostages don't recover from trauma and send coordinates for their rescuer. Rescuers don't call them hostages in front of their face.

"Cap, don't bullshit me: what's his name?"

"....James Barnes."

Tony hung up, took a deep breath, and promptly collapsed. Rhodes, who had been down the hall and heard Tony's voice steadily rise, rushed over as quickly as he could. "Tones!" He grabbed onto him and helped him to his feet. "Hey, tell me what happened. Here, sit down. Now what was that about?"

Tony felt numb, but he also felt like he was on fire. He was staring into space, his mouth open trying to form the words but his brain had given up on it.

"What is on your socks?" Rhodes asked in disgust. "Tony, hey, don't ignore me," he warned.

Tony's gaze slowly moved to meet Rhodes'. "... They have the kid." As he said it, his lips quivered and he knew he was going to have a breakdown.

"Shit." Rhodes ran a hand over his face and shook his head. While Tony tried to compose himself, Rhodes thought long and hard. He then patted Tony on the back. "Come on, we'll go find him." When Tony didn't understand, he gestured and walked towards the hallway. "My suit's wrecked," Rhodes commented, "so I'll have to borrow one of yours. Just like old times, huh?"

Tony tried real hard not to cry.

Despite getting the coordinates, finding Peter was far from easy. Without using too much energy from the suits they switched into power drive and cut the fly time in half. It still took four hours, and then they had to scope out the hideout in the dark. Tony hoped the dark would somehow be of help to them though.

They dropped down behind a snowy hill and peeked at the building in the distance. Little lights moved around, flashlights of the night guards. They flew a little closer and hid behind an abandoned, overturned car on the road leading to the building. They could see damage from when Peter and Steve had gotten there several hours earlier.

After some debate, they each took a side, front and back, and stormed the place. The guards were easy, the enhanced henchman with the electric sword less so, but it was nothing Tony hadn't dealt with before. Somewhere, on a race track years ago.

Rhodes found Peter first, and Tony was equally parts relieved and disappointed. He needed to see Peter, but he had to fight the rest of these idiots off, so he told Rhodes to go without him.

Rhodes wasn't having it, until Tony told him about Steve and Bucky, and that Rhodes needed to be there for when (or if) Steve got back. Tony would stay behind and blow some steam- and he did. He got to punch the man responsible in the face a few times, then tied him up and called for the authorities to pick the man up.

It was early morning when he got back to the Avengers compound. He could see that Rhodes had called everyone since Natasha and Clint's favorite car was back in the parking lot, with a little more damage done to it. The helicopter was there as well.

He found Steve in the basement, leaning against a table and turning a pen over and over in his hands. When he saw him he stood up stiff. "Tony-"

"Explain to me what happened, and what exactly went through your head when you decided to leave a child in a Hydra base. What exactly is a kind of plan that involves switching out the hostage for a different one, like some kind of Indiana Jones bullshit??"

Steve didn't answer soon enough, so Tony prompted him: "They tried to do tests on him. Rhodes told me. You're damn lucky he's only got a broken rib."

Steve stepped forward then. "They had hurt Bucky again. Reverted him back, and it took me forever to get him out of that state of mind. By then there were too many soldiers- I had to retreat."

Tony shook his head. "No you didn't." He didn't want to believe it. "You could have set Barnes in the helicopter and went back for him, but you didn't." He was steadily raising his voice. "Tell me you couldn't have done that!"

"I couldn't have! I had a wounded friend that needed medical attention immediately." Steve stepped forward into Tony's personal space. "I either left the boy or I went in and likely had all three of us die. Two bullet wounds to Bucky's chest and side. I couldn't watch him bleed out!"

Tony wanted to scream. Steve just didn't understand.

He reached out and pulled on the collar of Steve's shirt to bring him closer. "Was Peter crying out for help?" His voice cracked, and his voice had gone to a furious whisper.

Steve stared at him. Knowing the kid's name altered things now. "I didn't hear anything, Tony."

"...Tell me you regret it."

\- - -

Steve had been shot to the other side of the room. Tony fired his repulsors again, and again, and again. As Steve writhed on the floor he walked over and clasped his hand on Steve's collar, dragging the man into a sitting position, and punched him hard in the nose.

Tony was seeing red. He was breathing heavily, bordering hyperventilation. His fist had taken a mind of its own, another punch landing Steve's face. The noise of people rushing around upstairs fell on deaf ears.

He just felt so angry, so hurt, so confused, so tired. He wanted everything to stop, for it all to end. And it had all started with Steve, way back with Tony just a young child.

The vision of Tony's father being punched by Bucky made him stop, and his face twisted into an expression of pure pain.

When he spoke, his voice was trembling and his body shaking. "I just want to end you. More than anything."

Steve stared up at him, his face cut up and his eye bruised, and a trail of blood from his broken nose to his mouth. He looked calm. "Then do it."

Tony cried out and swung. His fist landed beside Steve's head, smashing the concrete floor into little pieces. He let out a shaky breath and fell back on his heels, face tilted towards the sky. His voice was hoarse from the scream, and the words came out as a whisper. "I can't."


	2. Chapter 2

Peter had kept his word about bringing back a souvenir.

When Tony visited him for the first time, Peter was sitting upright in bed, fiddling with something in his hands. When they locked eyes, Peter looked horrified and Tony looked relieved.

"You look awful," Peter gasped.

"Thank you." He more so collapsed into the chair beside Peter's bed than sat down in it. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm completely fine. My rib's in place so it'll heal nicely..." Peter furrowed his eyebrows at how exhausted Tony looked. To lighten the mood, he held something out. "Here's that souvenir I promised." It was the bullet that had broken his rib in two.

Tony accepted it numbly. "I called your aunt. She's on her way, you can stay with her again for a couple months."

Peter sputtered. "Months?! Mr. Stark, this wasn't that big a deal! I'm fine, I could do another mission tomorrow if you asked, I-"

"Peter," Tony begged.

They both knew it had definitely been a big deal. Peter would probably have a few nightmares and restless nights. His view of Steve had likely changed. His view of the world and life had likely changed.

Tony stood up on unsteady feet and patted Peter's leg. "I'm sorry, kid." He closed his hand around the bullet and left the room.

Pepper took all suits away, even the ones that activated from the bracelets or suitcases. Rhodes got him scheduled for weekly therapist visits. Natasha forced herself to stop visiting for a while. Thor took all alcohol off his hands. Tony made Friday have it so that he couldn't track Peter's phone or see any news about Spider-Man.

It was the hardest yet most healing thing to follow through with.

Eventually Natasha came back. Pepper left him an emergency suit. His therapist had seen some real progress.

"You're doing great," Rhodes had told him one night after a very open conversation about it. "I'm proud of you."

Tony didn't feel proud. He felt like he was carrying a 30 ton weight behind him. Whatever he did, guilt and pain was there waiting for him at the end of each day.

He sent a voicemail to Peter, a lengthy one; explaining he had distanced them to keep Peter safe but that he was welcome now to visit and watch a movie whenever he liked, and asking how he had been, and giving his best regards to May and his friends.

He sent a voicemail to Steve, a short one; simply apologizing.

"I'll invite Peter over too," Rhodes offered. "You don't have to do this thing alone."

"I might have sent Steve a letter on your behalf," Natasha mentioned.

"Dinner on Thursday?" Pepper had texted. "Your favorite restaurant."

Tony felt proud. He felt proud of everyone who stuck around to love him through thick and thin. The 30 ton weight of guilt hadn't been lifted, but it had become easier for him to carry.

"I know." "Thank you." "Dinner on Thursday sounds great."


End file.
